rate the cullens by intelligence

edwardsgay:

dumbest:
1. Edward. you call your ex girlfriend’s house and a voice you don’t recognize mentions a funeral is happening. double check that it’s not your ex girlfriend ? no. maybe go to forks first to see for yourself? also no. straight to Italy to be gang murdered by some old bitches. an absolute motherfucking dipshit.

2. Rosalie. your brothers girlfriend is human and you channel your pissed offedness at your own life by a) protecting her and making sure she’s informed of the decision she makes? nope until she and your brother are BALLS DEEP into their relationship. b) get irrationally angry at her because your brother doesn’t want to fuck you and also you think she’s dumb. yes absolutely. not good praxis.

3. Jasper. can’t figure out how to not eat people. dumb.

4. Carlisle. what dumbass bitch turns a 17 year old kid into a vampire and then is wildly shocked when that kid rebels, so you turn a girl who has just been through serious trauma into a vampire because you want them to kiss maybe. ludicrous.

5. Esme. Kind of vanilla, not much to see here, but also the least extreme. Very middle ground balance of dumbness and intelligence.

6. Emmett. He got turned into a vampire while being mauled alive, just realized “hey I guess I’m just gonna roll with it” and decided to go headfirst into his new life as a vegan knock off x man. That is some healthy self possessed shit we got here. this is a man whose off the charts in emotional intelligence and has a solid concept of self, unlike these others. triflin that he’s so often depicted as the dumbass, he just knows how to stay in his goddamn lane. he recognizes his mistakes like killing that lady but comes to terms with the fact that slip ups are a natural part of abstaining from something long term and forgives himself. I’ma cry thinking about this bitch.

7. Alice. while all these other hoes were boo hooing about the volutir coming to town this motherfucker was like “I’m in charge of this ship now. I’m going to South America to find the thing that’s gonna save everyone, because I have the capacity to strategize past “let’s all learn how to fight good.”“ a league of her own, this little bitch

8. Bella. motherfucking outsmarted ALL THESE HOES after knowing them for like a month and also having no powers, and being a human. she ran away from them SUCCESSFULLY with only her human legs, my good bitch. she almost succeeded in dying because she was so able to outsmart a team of highly coordinated, super smart, superstrong bodyguards. this bitch would dangerous game somebody given the chance I tell you that